As we step into the frequency and structure of the personality aspect of your experience, the first level created in the Personality/Ego Structure is the Physical Unconscious Mind. This is where our beliefs and definitions are created and held. Our beliefs and definitions are acquired through life experiences and interactions. Most of them are 'unconsciously acquired' in our "early formative years" from our environment. Our beliefs seep into our unconscious and will reflect the beliefs espoused by our parents (and their parents....), close relatives, school, school teachers, religious/spiritual teachings, television and music programing, friends, books and now internet social sites. Rarely are these beliefs and definitions pre-screened, pre-examined or analyzed before they enter our psyche. Rarely are they intentionally rooted out and examined later life. (Many of our beliefs and definitions are several generations old!)
The next level is our Physical Subconscious Mind. This is where our emotions are held. Much of our emotional patterning will reflect that of our parents, their emotional patterns and how we interacted with them as well as other primary family members of influence. Parents, siblings, close relatives, close friends, teachers all contribute to our early emotional development. Our emotional patterns are reflective of early relationships and key or dramatic experiences as well as being entangled with associated beliefs and definitions in our unconscious.
The last and bottom level is that of the Physical Conscious Mind, the realm of thoughts. Most people have the ability to occasionally witness their thoughts and when they do for any period of time it will seem like they are a random stream of consciousness. Tom Kenyon has a great descriptive, he calls it "The Carnival Mind". In some spiritual scripts it is referred to as the monkey mind and even an alien mind. Thoughts come and go quick quickly and usually reflect/react to our immediate environment in time and space. Thought patterns might be emotionally charged ideas, phrases or even songs that keep on looping. Thoughts and thought patterns can be emotionally neutral or emotional charged with or without reason. Sometimes these emotional charges will reflect the flow of the experience of the moment. Other times they will seem to randomly trigger a unconscious belief or definition that is now out of alignment with your natural self. Greater the 'negative' emotional charge, greater is the associated belief/definition that is out of alignment with your natural self.
These three aspects; The Unconscious Mind of Beliefs and Definitions, The Subconscious Mind of Emotions, The Conscious Mind of Thoughts is your personality triad. The personality structure comes together when your life force is filtered through these three layers to create your personality behavior patterns and ordinary day to day experience.
As you can see, the two powerful influences of our patterned behavior is above the level of our conscious mind and were mainly created/influenced/formed in our youth and are generational in nature. The dilemma in adulthood is many of our unexamined, unknown beliefs, definitions and emotional patterns of our childhood unconsciously affect all aspects of our adult life. Many pieces when brought into adult awareness will seem illogical, irrational, tragic, comical or emotionally very young and immature... not at all ego enhancing to our adult sense of self or our true authentic self.
At work or in our professional environment and even with causal friends, our conscious mind and it's rational, analytical and 'reasonable' attributes 'usually' dominate. (However, if this environment becomes highly stressed, it can collapse the 'rational aspects' of our conscious mind as we revert to our childlike patterns.) When it comes to our long term intimate relationships and intimate friends, the young childlike pieces come through, denied feelings slip through the cracks and attributes of our subconscious & unconscious seem to dominate our intimate and family relationships.
Many of these denied or shadow pieces acquired in childhood are well, childlike, 'irrational' and have a life of their own and will usually end up running your relationship. Many of these associated patterns have been passed down through generations. You have three choices. You can attempt to cover them over with 'new behavioral management strategies'. You can find and create new intimate relationships and friends from whom these pieces will once again be much easier to hid. Or, you can use your current relationship as a crucible from which you reexamine your beliefs, redefine your definitions, grow up child like aspects of your self and create healthier, more creative patterns of communication and intimacy that reflect the essence of who you are. (I recall one teacher of mine state, "If you can break one harmful family pattern and not pass it on, you have lived a successful life"!)
With all that said, putting your Personality Triad into the bigger picture perspective is essential: YOU ARE NOT YOUR PERSONALITY, IT IS TRULY A TEMPORARY & FLEXIBLE PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSTRUCT... A LENS THROUGH WHICH YOU CREATE AND EXPERIENCE THIS PARTICULAR REALITY and You can change it! When you change any aspect of your personality construct you will change your experience of your reality. Esoteric spiritual texts state this and quantum physics has proven out this paradox: While physical reality itself in not real, your experience of it is and you are continually creating it! The question is are you re-creating your same old reality or one that is more reflective of who you are. There are many deeper aspects of who you are beyond your personality such as your 'heart and soul', your 'Witness Self' your Oversoul and so on up to "SOURCE" itself.
Individually and collectively we need to consciously grow our selves up and move beyond the externally created, externally imposed and externally perpetuated unconscious beliefs and subconscious emotions of the 'personality matrix'. We need to actively recreate ourselves from with in that is representative of our true natural self, our heart and soul. We need to 'embody' and express the passionate, heart filled aspects of our true essential nature. This is the greatest gift we can give to our self, our family and our world.